


You deserve better

by Emitsu



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi is pissed at everything and fights for what he believes in, Angst, Bad Ending, HEAVY P5R SPOILERS!, He doesnt handle it very well lol, How Ren and Akechi handle the bad ending, Maruki has a lot to say too, Ren and Akechi centric, Ren struggles with his choice, persona 5 royal spoilers, they handle this situation very differently
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23700133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emitsu/pseuds/Emitsu
Summary: HEAVY P5R THIRD SEMESTER SPOILERS!"Hmph. You deserve this, you know." Akechi's voice was cold, colder than it had ever been before- or had it...? | How Akechi and Ren cope with the latter's decision of living in Maruki's perfect reality.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 114





	1. Choice

**Author's Note:**

> I'm serious these are HEAVY spoilers, turn back now if you haven't finished the game!
> 
> Ahem. So, I finished P5R yesterday with 111h playtime (for comparison, I had 86h on the original) and I AM VERY SAD. I thought I could take anything this game throws at me but I was WRONG.  
> Now, first I want to say that I'm in the Akechi lives camp! After first seeing the after credits scene I was like "yup, my boy is dead" but after reading through fan theories I'm now convinced he isn't. Honestly though, it can be interpreted either way and I kinda like that; what I don't like is how we didn't even really say goodby to him, he just went poof... They handled that worse than in the original if you ask me :( Overall though Royal was amazing and better than the original in every aspect imo. I actually cried during the final fight with Maruki, mainly because of the lyrics to Throw away your Mask. That shit hit me deep. 
> 
> Anyway, to this fic: You know I couldn't just sit still after seeing that bad ending hehe. Ugh. I quite liked the ending until I figured out that Akechi likely retained his memory and now suffers through the reality he didn't want every day. That's what inspired this fic. The first chapter is Ren-centric, the second Akechi and the plan is to add a third with a conclusion but I'm not sure about that yet.  
> ...I love Maruki a lot. tbh I got the bad ending on purpose both times because man oh man, if I was in the game I would've totally gone with that especially after learning about Akechi's fate lol  
> Now, you may also want to inform yourself about what happens when you miss the deadline; I'm basing some stuff off of that too. There's a video on youtube for it.  
> Enough rambling, I hope you enjoy!

_"Well, I have your answer."_

* * *

When Ren opened his eyes, the first thing that hit him was confusion.

"What's wrong? You seem out of it." Ren blinked at the scene unfolding in front of him. All of his friends, chatting happily in Leblanc. He turned his head to stare at Sojiro. The man was looking at him in mild amusement as the question lingered between them. _Huh...what?_

"Where's Maruki?," he carefully asked, clenching and unclenching his fists. The answer that came was entirely unsatisfying.

"Who?"

So. Maruki had done it, hadn't he? It made sense, Ren had agreed to it. He still felt it was for the best... yes, it was. He hadn't known what to expect; maybe he thought Maruki would wipe his memory and overwrite his cognition like he had done with his friends. In fact, he was surprised he hadn't. Maybe it was too early, maybe...

The reality of the situation hit him as he watched his friends, his teammates, squabble with each other without a worry in the world.

They were all here. Morgana, Ryuji, Ann,S̸͕̼̱͕͋̓ͅu̵̳̯̥͙͉̙̾̋m̶̢̱̗͉̼͇̍͌̐̔̕i̸̠̒̅̒͜͝r̶̘̥̘̙̈́̐̉͒̔̕ḛ̷̯̫͇̫̌̏̇̃̑ Kasumi, Yusuke, Makoto, Futaba, Haru and... Akechi.

Ren's gaze rested on Akechi and he felt his stomach turn.

_"Your indecisiveness on the matter is essentially a betrayal of my wishes."_

He... he had to remember, too, didn't he?

"It says that's north-northwest of here, and a bit to the right, so... Roughly, that way."

Did he?

Ren kept close watch on Akechi and also his other friends during the party he had apparently planned for them, but he couldn't find any kind of abnormalities. They all seemed... happy. Not an unusual kind of fake happiness, but the normal kind.

This is what he had wanted for them, wasn't it?

* * *

The days passed like they were nothing. It was baffling. Every time he saw Futaba laugh with her mother, Ryuji bicker with his track teammates, Ann smile at Shiho, Morgana trailing close behind them with a blessed smile on his human lips, he felt like crying and he didn't know why. He was happy for them, so happy that they were happy, but there was this deep sorrow seated in his chest...

* * *

_Did I really make the right choice?_

* * *

The news barely reported anything bad happening anymore. Japan prospered, the people truly lived just the way they wanted, criminal rate broke down to a never seen before minimum as the world slowly melted into what God wanted it to. A God who wasn't unnecessarily cruel, didn't make innocents suffer; a God who knew what humans felt through first hand experience, who knew loss and pain and only wanted the best for everyone.

* * *

_Did I really make the right choice?_

* * *

He spent a lot of time with his friends, pushed down the suspicion that he only did it to distract himself and instead decided he did it to get an answer to the question plaguing him. Not that he could change anything if he got the false answer, not anymore.

"What's wrong, Ren?," Ann asked him one day as Shiho excused herself to go to the toilet. "You've been acting a little strange lately." Ren sheepishly dragged a hand through his hair, smiling slightly.

"Ah... sorry. I'm just a little restless in the last time." Ann laughed affectionly.

"I know how you feel! It's insane that Makoto and Haru are graduating soon, isn't it? Not seeing them at school anymore every day will be weird... But they'll be fine. I know it." Ren nodded slowly.  
"Yeah... me too." He said it with conviction, but for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

He obviously hadn't known Wakaba Isshiki in life, but in this reality, he did. The woman really was a lot like Futaba and it was hard not to like her. She was apparently fond of him as well and it felt so good to see Futaba smile without a worry in the world while nagging Wakaba to take them to Destinyland. She was so happy and he was so happy for her.

* * *

_This must have been the right choice._

* * *

They also met up as a whole group a lot, apparently to not waste the precious time they had left before the third years went their own ways. Those outings were quite interesting to watch and also enjoyable to participate in, but he found himself staring at Akechi more than he wanted to. He couldn't shake the suspicion, as well as the incredible guilt nagging at his insides whenever he saw the detective laugh at something stupid Ryuji said in the same way he had once at Ren's words, in a way Ren had once thought genuine until finding out that all of it had been a lie.  
Was he being honest this time? He had to be, didn't he? Maruki had promised to make them all happy. Even if Akechi hadn't agreed with it, even if the the disappointed fury in his eyes as Ren had turned him down had almost consumed him..

He had to be certain.

"Hey, Akechi. Are you happy?" He asked this after having Akechi accompany him to get some drinks for the others. The brunet looked at him with an unreadable look in his eyes and for a moment Ren felt his heart drop; _he remembers, he's acting, he's probably incredibly furious-_

"Thats a weird question to ask. Are you okay, Ren?"

…

"... ah, sorry," he said after being dumbfounded for a moment. "Nevermind." The concern on Akechi's face looked genuine, but he couldn't be sure...

* * *

More days passed and Ren felt like he was going insane. Torn between guilt, uncertainty, the smiles of his friends and the shadows of a reality long passed, he felt like screaming, like punching something, like breaking down. He had never felt this way before and he couldn't help resent Maruki a little – hadn't he promised happiness? Why was he feeling this way? He wasn't happy, not even close to it.

Then suddenly, he was.

* * *

"Hey, Ren." Ren turned towards the voice and smiled when he recognized Akechi, excusing himself from his chat with Hanasaki and walking towards his friend.  
"Hey Akechi. What's up?" The other eyed him, also smiling a flawless smile.

Hm, weird. Why had he felt the need to point out that it was flawless...?

"Ah, you know. This and that. Preparing for graduation." Akechi laughed fondly. "It's been busy." His eyes met Ren's. "How have you been?" Ren tilted his head with a hum. To be honest, he felt the same as always; although lately, it seemed like Wakaba's food was even more delicious and the smiles of everyone a little more radiant, Morgana's hair a little nicer, Ryuji a little faster during his track runs.

"Really good, actually", he said, twirling a strand of hair on his finger. "Can't complain." Akechi nodded, still smiling. "You wanna come over to Leblanc and play some chess? We haven't done that in a while." Akechi stilled. 

"Chess?"

"Hm?"

"Ah, I apologize. Of course. But not today. I have work to do." Ren laughed heartily, not noticing the way Akechi looked at him when he did.

"Of course you do. Good luck, detective." Akechi smiled so brightly it was blinding.

"Thank you, Ren." He waved as he turned. "Best of luck to you, too. You'll need it."

 _What a weirdo,_ Ren thought fondly as he turned back to Hanasaki without a care in the world.

* * *

A week later they stood in front of the school, ready to let a nice stranger take a picture of them. When said stranger walked away, Ren stared after him, feeling for the first time in his life like he was forgetting something important, but when he turned to his smiling friends, he quickly forgot about that, too.

* * *

  
After arriving home that day, the stranger from before was seated at one of the tables in Leblanc. Ren didn't think it was strange that he was alone, Sojiro and Wakaba nowhere in sight.

"Oh, you're..." The man turned towards him, smiling.

"Hello there."

Ren bowed his head. "Thank you for earlier." A laugh.

"No problem. Could I have a house blend?" Ren nodded, stepping behind the counter to get to work. Silence unfolded and he found himself humming cheerily. He wasn't entirely sure why he was in such a good mood, but it didn't matter, did it?

"Hey, Amamiya-kun." Ren looked up and a distant part of him questioned why this total stranger knew his name, but somehow, it appeared right.

"Yes?"

"Are you happy?" That wasn't a question he had expected. Ren frowned in confusion and opened his mouth to answer, but in that moment words flooded into his mind, words from a distant memory which seemed far away and close at the same time:

_"Hey Akechi, are you happy?"_

He stopped in his tracks. Had he asked that? Why? The world spun and he felt hot and cold at the same time as if someone had ripped a curtain away which had been hanging in front of his eyes.

"Ah- I'm sorry Amamiya-kun- please, don't cry..." Ren suddenly felt incredibly disattached from reality, barely felt it when he raised his teary eyes towards the strange man and didn't realize his mouth was forming words foreign to him: "Maruki-sensei.." Distantly he wondered who Maruki was, but he could barely- he felt like he was forgetting something really important- "Maruki-sensei, I..."

"I'm sorry, Amamiya-kun," the man had gotten up to move in front of him; Ren's eyes saw the worry on his face but he couldn't comprehend anything--  
"This... this is wrong..." What was wrong? "They're happy, but.." Who was happy? He was happy, wasn't he? Why was he saying these things? Was it even him saying them?

The man he didn't know looked at him with nothing but sympathy and pity in his eyes and put a hand on top of his head, "I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have brought it up. I know how much you struggled with your choice so I tried to take at least your memories so you can live without the burden... there is something external which seems to shield you from me, I'm still trying to figure out what it is, I promise I'll do better soon." He sighed and the hand on top of his head moved affectionately. The gesture didn't reach Ren- or did it? He couldn't tell, he was so... so... "I owe you this much... If only I could help him like this, too..." _Him?_

"...Akechi," he heard himself say, and how did Akechi's name fit in here? "Does Akechi-"

"Pssh," the man interrupted him gently. "Don't think about it, Amamiya-kun. Your friend will be fine. _You_ will be fine. Just leave it to me." Ren's eyelid fluttered and he thought how yes, it would be so nice to just leave his problems in the hands of another, because the feeling in his chest threatened to choke him without knowing why. Before he could properly think about how _wrong_ that was, an all-consuming exhaustion overcame him and he closed his eyes to the soft humming of the stranger.

* * *

"Rennnn pleaaase~"

"Not a chance."

"Awww~" Ren snorted and gently pushed Futaba away after his sister-not-sister let herself fall against him when he once again denied her the money to try again for a Jack Frost figurine. They had been at this ever since the entire gang had met at the arcade in an attempt to relax during the Easter break. 

"Just ask Wakaba-san for some more allowance."

"She'll never do that!"

"Maybe she would if you wouldn't waste all your money on video games."

"Shut it, Inari! At least I'm not broke like you!" Yusuke frowned."I am not broke." 

"Ah yeah? Then how come you never tag along when we go out for lunch?"

"That's... I save the money sensei gifts me for more important things." Yusuke and Futaba kept bickering. Ren smiled fondly and let his gaze travel across the arcade. It was surprisingly empty; only they were there, as if the place had been booked for them alone. Ann and Ryuji were playing some shooter game together with Morgana cheering the former on, Makoto and Haru laughing while moving to Dance Dance Revolution, and Akechi...

Ren frowned. Where was Akechi?

"Is something wrong, senpai?" Ren looked at Kasumi; the younger girl had been laughing along with Futaba and Yusuke earlier, but was now looking at him with worry in her eyes.

"Ah, yeah. Kasumi, have you seen Akechi?" Kasumi frowned and tilted her head, thinking.

"Hm... He was talking to Morgana-senpai earlier about getting some fresh air, I think... So he should be outside?" Ren nodded, giving her a grateful smile before stepping outside with a quick excuse.

It wasn't unusual for Akechi to wander off on his own, but he had made a promise to beat the detective at Gun About and he intended to keep that promise. _Where could he have gone?_

"Looking for someone?" Ren turned his head to find Akechi leaning against a wall in a narrow, easy to overlook alleyway. A soft smile rested on his face, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Nah," he responded while trailing towards him, "just some weird guy who's too scared to face me in a video game." Akechi scoffed and shook his head. When Ren got closer, he got a better look at his face; he was smiling as always, but... something felt off.

"Something wrong?"

Their eyes met and yes, he hadn't been mistaken; the other's face looked unusually empty. It didn't fit the boy at all- or wait... did it? It fit. But why? Akechi was pretty much always smiling, always looking out for Ren just as Ren looked out for him. They were-

_"Your friend will be fine."_

Ren felt his eyes widen, and after a moment, Akechi's empty, calculating expression melted into one of concern. "Ren, are you okay?"

"I-I..." Why had he just thought the sharp expression didn't fit Akechi? Why did the current concern, the soft eyes, feel so wrong? When their eyes met again, Ren suddenly felt as though he was drowning; air wouldn't come to him, he couldn't breath-

_"I hate you."_

_"You're just some attic trash!"  
_

_"_ _Let's make a deal."_

He felt his eyes widen and he hadn't even noticed that he had crumbled to the floor, trying to gasp for air but not being able to move. What was...?

Usually, a friend of his or even a bystander would immediately worry, crouch down in front of him and ask him what's wrong. Akechi however stood still. Ren felt his eyes burn into his neck.

Then, "Hmph. You deserve this, you know." The other's voice was cold, colder than it had ever been before- or had it...? "Honestly, when I noticed that you're starting to forget I wanted to vomit. But looks like you're still struggling, so that's something. I could get used to that." His voice wasn't just cold now, it was seething with suppressed anger, and Ren couldn't- he didn't understand-

"That's enough, Akechi-kun. Can't you see he's in pain?" It took Ren all his will power to slowly raise his heavy head. It occurred to him that huh, since when were they in Leblanc, but the thought quickly faded away. Someone had manifested next to them out of thin air, and Akechi had jumped backwards, obviously startled. However, he quickly regained his composure and crossed his arms, glaring daggers at... „  
"Maruki...sensei..." Ren again didn't recognize his own voice. The man he didn't know looked at him with a sad face and smiled fondly, before turning back to Akechi.

"...I can see that, thank you very much," the brunet spit out.

"Then why?" Akechi scoffed, directing his glare towards Ren. He flinched.  
"Why? Maybe I want to see him suffer. Suffer for choosing- whatever this is. Your stupid fucking puppet house realit-" Akechi stopped mid-sentence as he choked, hands flying to his throat in obvious panic. The strange man's eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. One of his hands was slightly raised. It dropped to his side.

"Oh, I- I apologize, Akechi-kun. I didn't mean to hurt you." He looked at Ren complementary, then he flicked his hand.

The world turned upside down and Ren felt himself crumble to the ground from his kneeling position. His eyes suddenly felt incredibly heavy so he closed them. Thinking became hard.

"What are you-"

"Don't worry. I'm simply putting him to sleep. He doesn't need to suffer because of our disagreements, does he?"

"Damn well he does!"

"Why are you so angry?" Another scoff.

"Ha! Are you seriously asking me that?" The voices were fading away...

"I'm sorry, Akechi-kun. I'm really trying to take the pain away from you, but it's proving to be challenging. The both of you are being shielded from my powers by... something. In Amamiya-kun's case I can still influence him to some degree, but because of your resistance I can't seem to-"

"Fuck off." 

"- do anything. I'm really sorry, you'd be so much happier without..." The voice hesitated.

"Without what? Without my memories? My feelings? My free will? The things which make me who I am, which you are trying to TAKE AWAY from all of us?"

"No, that's-"

"I can't believe you. I can't understand how someone can be so disillusioned and in love with themselves that they think they can decide what's best for everyone. You make me sick to my core."

"Akechi-kun, please..." Footsteps passed by Ren.

_So tired..._


	2. Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back boys and girls  
> Hmm quick disclaimer: the reason I call Akechi Akechi from his own perspective and not Goro is because I have this headcanon that he loves his last name (because it isn't Shido and reminds him that he's his mother's son) and that his first name got used so little in his life that he doesn't care for it. I mean, EVERYONE in the game calls him Akechi, and who would call him Goro before that? I know kids mostly get called by first name in Japan by adults but I can totally imagine all his foster parents also calling him Akechi.  
> Also I just feel weird using the name Goro mainly because it's used so rarely so there you go haha  
> My thanks for the reviews, kudos and bookmarks, I'm glad people are enjoying this little fic.  
> Enjoy!

"Akechi-kun, wait." Akechi kept walking.

"I don't care for what you have to say, Maruki-san." Down the stairs, across the cafe. When he reached for the door-

"I just want to thank you." Akechi stopped. "For playing along. It must be incredibly hard for you.. but it is probably the best alternative until I can come up with a way to help you. Your acting skills are so stellar, you almost had me fooled at first." Akechi stiffened, then he growled:

"Well, plan failed. Let me tell you this. The only way you can stop me from resisting is by ending my existence. Would you do me that favor?" Maruki looked at him and Akechi felt his blood boil yet again because of the extreme pity in the man's eyes. The NERVES.

"I... can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Akechi-kun, don't you want to be happy?"

"I'm dead."

"No, you're not."

"Well, I might as well be! That would be so much better than going along with your bullshit for even a second longer. I'm tired, so tired of being manipulated!" He seethed and Maruki just WOULDN'T STOP pitying him.

"The world was so unfair to you... I wish I could have helped you before it came so far..."

Fucking Joker. Fucking Ren. This was all his fault. Had he not- had he not been such a damn coward all of this wouldn't be happening. He wouldn't have had to wake up to a message from Futaba asking him merrily to meet up with the Phantom Thieves who had been incredibly suspicious of him just a day prior, wouldn't have had to discover that apparently in this reality, he really was a successful high school detective but without all the annoying media exposure and fake fans...

He gritted his teeth. This had to end. He turned on his heel yet again and marched out Leblanc, feeling Maruki's gaze linger on his back even as he knew the man was long gone.

_"We're accepting the offer."_

Those words had made his entire world crumble around him.

He hadn't been in his right mind as he staggered away from Leblanc that day, trying to think of what to do now. Without Ren, the Phantom Thieves would never assist him in ending Maruki. They trusted their leader too much, the morons. Alone, he didn't stand a chance, he knew that.

But there was no other way.

So he had entered the palace, followed the route to the treasure, and yelled into the empty paradise:

"Maruki-san!"

And see there, God himself manifested right in front of him, surprisingly enough in his everyday outfit without the stupid pushed-back hair.

"Akechi-kun," Maruki greeted, smiling that stupid pitying smile of his which made Akechi's blood rise. Akechi took a deep breath.

"I'm here to take back my reality," he said calmly.

He knew he couldn't win. He was fully prepared to die. He was dead, anyway (probably, it wasn't like he had any proof but he didn't care either way).

Maruki considered him carefully, not moving an inch as if to not provoke him. It had the opposite effect; the empathy of the older man annoyed him to no end.

"You can't defeat me," came his voice, softly. "You know that."

"Won't know until I try." He drew out his gun and aimed it at God, hand steady. "I have defeated foes I thought unbeatable before." Maruki inclined his head.

"Indeed you have. You're so strong, Akechi-kun." His expression grew even softer. "It must have been so hard. Dancing to that man's whims, killing people for him..."

For some reason, those words pissed Akechi off more than anything else he could have said. "It wasn't, really," he said cooly. "It was my own choice to kill." But that was really all of it. He hated to admit it, but yes, he _had_ been manipulated, more than he could have ever seen coming. He had always thought he had the upper hand, but he had been wrong. "Which is why I'll never be manipulated again," he hissed because even if he hadn't said the words out loud, he was sure Maruki had heard them anyway. "I'll forge my own path. I won't let someone else take my choices from me." Maruki frowned.

"That isn't what I'm trying to do, Akechi-kun."

"I'm sure you aren't."

"Please, you have to believe me." Akechi scoffed and steadied his hand a bit more, gun still aimed at the other's head.

"Oh, I do. I truly do believe that you think what you're doing is the right thing, Maruki-san. You're nothing like those self-righteous bastards whose hearts the Phantom Thieves changed."

"Then...!"

"But you know what? You're _worse_ than them." He felt satisfied at the way Maruki's expression fell. "Those guys, they at least knew that they were hurting others. That they were scumbags. Even if they tried to excuse it, deep down they knew that they're nothing but trash. That's why their shadows are the way they are. But you? You're convinced in yourself through and through, there isn't a seed of doubt in your mind that your way is the only right one, that what you're doing is for everyone's benefit and that everyone would want it, they just don't know it yet. Well, I'm here, and I'm living proof that you're fucking wrong. As long as I'm here, you will always be reminded that what you're doing to the entire world isn't the ideal solution you think it is." Akechi inhaled heavily after that. He hated giving long speeches, but he just couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

Maruki had fallen silent, watching him through intelligent eyes. Still, he didn't look taken aback in the least; the only thing on his face was a deep sorrow.

"...You want to provoke me into killing you." Huh. That was one way to look at it.

"Maybe I do. So? What're you waiting for?" Maruki exhaled.

"I won't fight you." Huh? "The only one I would have faced was Amamiya-kun. But Amamiya-kun wished for my reality to become true. I will grant him that wish... I owe him that much for all he did for me." Of course it was about Ren again, the fucking coward. Of course Akechi once again wasn't good enough.

"You blackmailed him," he grumbled out, although he knew he was kind of wrong. Ren had made his choice, and that of his own free will. He had already hesitated when offered the deal for the first time, and dangling Akechi's life in front of him had drawn the final straw.

How he hated that moron.

"I simply wanted to make sure he wouldn't regret his choice," Maruki replied.

"Of course he isn't gonna regret it now, huh," Akechi bit back.

"Only time will tell that. But I will do my best to support him. Both him and you, Akechi-kun. You have been burdened by a heavy fate, and I intend to take that from you... please, let me help you live the life you deserve."

"Spare yourself the breath." Maruki closed his eyes.

"You were Amamiya-kun's wish."

Akechi hesitated at that, but only for a moment. "Well, I kind of figured that already. The bastard is self-centered like that."

"But your wish is Amamiya-kun, too."

"…"

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you really are dead in the old reality," Maruki said softly. "But I couldn't take any risks, so I just deleted the entire incident from history. You didn't deserve it, not after everything you went through." He met Akechi's eyes. "If there is anything you want-"

"No," Akechi snapped, but he finally dropped the gun along with his head, suddenly incredibly exhausted.

This all couldn't be real. It wasn't. He hadn't even began fighting yet; he had been intent on charging at Maruki full force until the other was forced to at least defend himself. However, when he looked at his hand, his gun was gone and his clothes not black anymore. A quiet "oh" touched his lips and he put a hand to his unmasked face. _Oh. I'm too late._  
  


"You can throw your mask away, Akechi-kun. Please, be patient. I _will_ find a way for your happiness."

* * *

_What a fucking joke,_ Akechi angrily thought as he stomped towards the train station. Maruki had told him he could throw his mask away, only to now thank him for 'playing along'. Which one was it? Surely the man knew that this reality forced him to live behind his old mask?

Or maybe he didn't. He was too good of a man to understand the mind of someone as rotten as Akechi. Just because the incidents didn't exist in this reality didn't mean Akechi couldn't still see the blood on his hands.

After that he had apparently passed out because the next thing he knew, he was in his room in the apartment provided to him by Shido all those years ago. He wondered how the hell that worked out if he had never worked for the man in this reality, but apparently Maruki gave zero shits about everything he did and worked for in his life.

Still, he had though that maybe, _maybe_ he'd still get his chance to strike back. If he'd just be patient, played along for the time being...

That was how he ended up accepting Futaba's invitation, and upon first arriving at Leblanc he couldn't help feeling a little tense. He usually trusted his acting skills, but for some reason he still feared he'd lose it as soon as he laid eyes on that _traitor's_ face. However, once the door had clicked shut behind him and he found Ren, he immediately felt something was off; the other's eyes looked unnaturally empty and his face was entirely expressionless. Unsure on how to handle that situation, he let himself go with the flow of Ren's friends, until...

_"What's wrong? You seem out of it."_

_"Where's Maruki?"_

_Akechi immediately turned out Sakamoto's annoying chattering and stole a side glance at Ren. The black haired boy's previously expressionless face had melted into one of complete confusion. He hastily averted his eyes when Ren began scanning his surroundings. So_ now _he had come to._

 _Akechi felt nothing but rage flowing through his veins. And yet, it wasn't like he could blame Ren for betraying him. If he wouldn't know the boy better, he'd think he did it out of spite, because there was_ no way _he could have thought this would make Akechi happy._

_He could feel the other's gaze linger on him the entire time during their little party, but he wouldn't- he wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Ren had made his choice, Akechi was on his own. He had always been._

_Their deal had meant nothing._

Thinking back to it, he shouldn't have been surprised. He had betrayed Ren first, after all.

But Ren was supposed to be better than him. He wasn't supposed to subject the entire world to a gentle madman's fantasies.

After all, all of his merry little friends had already expressed their wishes to return to the old reality. So hadn't he betrayed them as well, essentially? And for what?

_"You were Amamiya-kun's wish."_

"Bullshit," Akechi hissed to himself, quickening his steps. He was honestly tempted to just jump in front of a train, but some part of him was sure Maruki wouldn't let that happen anyway so he didn't even bother trying.

He belonged to no one. He would carve his own path. Just because Maruki and that girl had said there was no turning back after February 3rd didn't mean there really wasn't.

He kept telling himself that even as he buried himself in his blankets, until he passed out late at night.

His dreams were blue.

* * *

_"...."_

_"....y.."_

_"C.... y..."_

_"Ca....y... he....?"_

* * *

He was halfway through his instant ramen when his phone rang. He could swear he had thrown it into a river a few days earlier.

"Hello?"

" _'bout time you picked up! Waddup, Goro?"_ Akechi cringed deeply at the use of his first name. He knew the Thieves had called each other by first name in the old reality, but he hadn't expected to completely count to their group of friends and be subjected to the same treatment here. _Relax. Act._  
"Hello, Futaba-chan. To what do I owe the honor?"  
" _Drop the honorifics! And, ahem..."_ The orange haired pest on the other end of the line cleared her throat. " _I hereby appoint you to go visit the maid café in Akahabara with me! It's important and I will accept no Nos!"_

Akechi eyed the open window next to him which suddenly looked way more welcoming than it had just seconds prior.

"I'm sorry Futaba, but I'm afraid I'm quite busy today. Why don't you ask Saka-... Ryuji or Yusuke to take you?" An ungraceful snort reached his ears.

" _Those two can't appreciate the tastes of high quality lunch as thoroughly as my favorite detective! Also, you're not busy. You've just crawled out of bed an hour ago and haven't done anything but brew some ramen so far, have you?"_ He flinched. His eyes scanned the room, but he couldn't make out any places to hide a camera. _"Don't freak out, it's your phone. You remember that bug I installed on it?"_ He closed his eyes, mouth corners twitching. Apparently Maruki didn't think his privacy was needed for his happiness. _"Come on, pretty please? I- hey!"_ Akechi frowned when Futaba's voice was drowned out by static noise, and felt his eyes widen when a new voice replaced hers:  
" _Come on Goro, don't be such a spoilsport. Hang out with my daughter for a day, won't you?"_

Akechi grit his teeth.

Wakaba Isshiki.

"...I apologize, Isshiki-san," he pressed out, "but I really-"  
" _Mom, gimme my phone!_ " He clamped his mouth shut and growled inwardly. " _Sorry about that, Goro. Aaaanyway, come on, please. It's... it's important._ " Akechi had already opened his mouth to protest again, but something about in her voice made him stop in his tracks. She had sounded a little...

He sighed. "Alright, fine."

_"Yay! Get ready as soon as possible, aight? See you there!"_

Akechi dropped his phone and buried his face in his hands with a drawn out groan.

Wakaba Isshiki. He had met her once or twice in the original reality, accompanied by some of Shido's men. She had lectured them about some things concerning her cognitive research. He hadn't thought much of the woman, just as he hadn't felt anything when he had eventually struck her down by Shido's request.

He wondered why that couldn't have been Maruki. Why had Shido been satisfied with taking his research and shutting any of his attempts to continue it down; why hadn't he eliminated him as he had Wakaba Isshiki? They wouldn't be in this mess if he had.

He sighed and slowly got up. He had a date at a maid café to attend.

* * *

"Did you watch the newest Featherman Ultra episode?! Why am I asking, of course you did! What did you think of Green's new move?! Wait, don't answer that, I already know it. You think it's..."

He wouldn't say he disliked Futaba Sakura- or Isshiki, in this case? Out of all the thieves, she was one of the ones he didn't mind that much. He could respect her intellect and skills, and even feel some sympathy concerning her situation (even if he was ultimately the one responsible for it).  
"Goro, are you listening?" He blinked and cocked his head to the side.

"I am, but you are answering all of your questions on your own. And even correctly at that. I'm impressed." She snickered.

"Well, duh! I know my dear friend's Featherman tastes in and out!" He chucked pleasantly, but didn't deign himself to answer. They sat in silence for a moment, then Futaba cleared her throat.

"So uhm, Goro." Ugh.

"Yes?" She hesitated, and he would be a little alarmed if this wasn't Maruki's doll house.

"Has... has Ren seemed off to you lately?" He stilled, hand stopping just short of grabbing his drink.

"...What do you mean?" She avoided his eyes.

"Well... last time I visited him, he was still in bed. It was like what, three pm? Way too late. I asked Sojiro about it later, and apparently he hasn't-"  
"Was he asleep?" Akechi felt his heartbeat speed up in his chest as Futaba stared at him for a painfully long moment, before she frowned and shook her head.

"Uh, nope. He was awake." Akechi exhaled slowly. He hated how relieved he felt. "But he was so weird. He turned away when I entered and he barely replied to anything I said. At the end he... he told me to leave." She bit her lip. "I asked Sojiro and Morgana about it, but apparently he has been this way for a few days now. And... they didn't seem bothered by it at all." She finally met his eyes, her own wide with something like... fear? Concern? "Isn't that weird? Sojiro said that he only came down to eat and drink like it's the most normal thing in the world. Like, what?" Akechi slowly tilted his head to the side.

"Why are you telling me this?" Futaba leaned back at that, frown returning to her face.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said. Wouldn't someone like Sa- Ryuji or Ann know more about what the problem could be?"

"What kind of question is that? You spend the most time with him, or course I'd ask you."

Huh. That was good to know.

He sighed and twirled a strand of hair between his fingers. On the inside, he was burning with bitterness. First Ren betrayed him, then he forgot about it, then he pretended this entire reality _he_ chose to live in didn't exist.

What a fucking coward. Through and through.

"I'll talk to him," Akechi said, because damn it, he wanted nothing more than to let Ren suffer from his decision for all eternity, but the fact that Futaba for some reason appeared to be immune to whatever "I don't give a shit about anything negative"-spell Maruki had cast on Ren's friends and family was worth looking into.

Futaba's eyes lit up at his words. "I knew I could count on you! Thanks!" She began spooning down her chocolate moussé. Akechi observed her carefully, but there was nothing else which appeared off about her, so he excused himself as soon as enough time passed to not appear impolite.

* * *

On the way to Leblanc, a realization hit Akechi. How come Maruki hadn't noticed Futaba wasn't affected? It was obvious she was worried, and she had even talked about it, but the man hadn't interfered. In fact, he hadn't heard anything of the bastard for the past days since last meeting him. Huh.

* * *

Leblanc was closed when he arrived, but for some reason the door was unlocked. _Guess they don't need locks in a world without criminals._ The way up the stairs felt like it took an eternity.

His lips curled in disgust when he entered Ren's room and found the boy on his bed, back facing towards him. How come he could just sleep his concerns away?

"Ren," he said. No reaction. Annoyance spiked up in him – Futaba had said he had been awake before, so there was no way he wouldn't be able to wake up now. "Ren," he repeated, to no avail. So he stalked towards the bed and ripped the blankets away while growling: "Get up!"

Ren followed his movements like a rag doll, completely limp except for the vice grip he had on the blanket. His eyes were screwed shut and a frown rested on his face, but he didn't seem to be conscious. Akechi dropped the blanket and stared as Ren curled up again, breathing heavy but evenly.

 _"Let him sleep,"_ a voice in his head whispered, _"please let him sleep."_ He flinched and looked around, but there was no one here. It hadn't felt like Maruki, either.

His phone buzzed; it was a text from Haru into a group called "Graduating is sad" consisting of her, Akechi and Makoto. It was a picture of some photo the three of them took after graduating. He had had no chance but to comply since he had still been acting in front of Ren back then.

He threw a last glance at Ren, then he turned around and left, texting Futaba while walking towards the station.

_**Akechi:** I apologize, but he was fast asleep when I tried to wake him. Could you contact me when he wakes up and acts weirdly again?_

The answer came instantaneously.

_**Futaba:** huh? whatre you talking about?_

The broken screen of his phone reflected the setting sun as he left it behind on the street.

* * *

"Akechi-kun, I apologize."

Akechi listlessly stared at the turned-off TV screen.

"I've been incredibly busy lately. I really didn't intend to let you partake in my worries with Amamiya-kun's condition-"

"What, you're not responsible for it?" He twisted his head around when Maruki didn't answer immediately, narrowing his eyes at the hesitant expression on the man's face.

"No... I'm not. I'm so sorry, I'm doing my best to fix it, but-"

"You're really wasting your breath trying to butter me up, you know that?" He turned around again, resuming his staring contest with various furniture.

For a blissful moment it was silent. Just as he thought he had finally left, the bastard started talking again.

"I know I said I don't know if you truly were deceased.. But I forgot to mention that I'm sadly pretty sure that was the case." Akechi snorted.

"Don't care."

"I'm sorry." He could practically feel Maruki's pitying stare. He inhaled deeply.

"Let me ask you something for once."

"Of course, anything. I'll answer to the best of my ability."

"How come you didn't get offed for your research?" He turned around just in time to see Maruki's eyes widen.

"W-what?" Akechi rolled his eyes.

"Don't play dumb, please. I saw it in your palace. You were working on cognitive psience, weren't you? Just like Wakaba Isshiki. But then your progress got shut down because Shido wanted to monopolize the research for his own gains." Akechi felt his glare intensify. "How come I never heard of you before? I was the one who killed Wakaba Isshiki. I'd assume that man would want the same for all potential threats." Just talking about Shido made bitter memories surface in his mind. He tried his best to push them down.

Maruki didn't answer; he barely moved. When he didn't say anything after a minute, Akechi scoffed. "I guess you were just too unimportant. Shido was paranoid, but apparently you were so under his radar that he just didn't care and settled for ruining your life." Akechi looked away before he revealed something he didn't want to. The man was a trained psychologist, after all. Who knew what kind of things Akechi himself wasn't aware of he would see in him. "I can relate with that at least, I suppose."

"Akechi-kun..."

"I heard Shido is in jail. I wonder how exactly your twisted world view works. Everyone is supposed to be happy, but you hold a personal grudge towards Shido so only he gets to suffer? Or does he get candies from the prison guards?" His eyes narrowed. "I swear, if you decided to grant that bastard happiness, I'll-"

"Masayoshi Shido does not exist." Akechi blinked. _Huh._

"And how does that work? I'm here and I'm his son." He _despised_ the soft eyes with which Maruki looked at him, the warm, encouraging smile--

"No, you're not. That man is no father."

He was stunned for a moment. Then, he let out the air he didn't realize he had been holding in.

"No. No he isn't. But I'm not stupid enough to deny that he is my biological father and I wouldn't exist if he and my mother had not engaged in the act of sex together. So, your point?" When he turned around again, Maruki was gone.

"Asshole."

* * *

Days passed and Akechi grew more and more restless. He hadn't been idle; had gone around and talked to a lot of people, looked up information online, had even tried to get Futaba to hack into government servers for him to get some kind of picture on how this world worked.

Nothing helped. He was completely lost.

When footsteps reached his ears one morning, he didn't even turn around. "Get lost. We have nothing to talk about." Why would Maruki not just leave him alone at this point?

"Are you sure?" Akechi stopped in his tracks, head whipping around. He couldn't stop his lips from parting slightly and forming a silent _oh_ when Ren appeared in his vision. He caught himself and was about to force a smile onto his face and apologize, but the look on the other's face stopped the words from coming out. Ren's mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes were clear. No sight of the strangely smiling, hazy-eyed puppet Maruki's meddling had turned him into. Akechi let out a breath and leaned back. They stared at each other for what felt like ages until Ren sheepishly dragged a hand through his hair. Akechi sighed when he still didn't say anything.

This was the real Ren, alright.

"About time you woke up." Ren's eyes widened ever so slightly, then he clenched his fists.

"Akechi, I'm-"

"Save it. I don't want to hear it." He turned away; looking at the younger boy confused him too much, he couldn't keep staring into his eyes which were as unreadable as they had been before this entire mess. He didn't know how to feel. "Besides, you don't mean it anyway. If you came to apologize and ask to make up and become buddy buddy, you can go home again. It's not happening." There it came, that feeling which made his insides churn – but it was different from before. "I don't care what you think or want. I'm not giving up on my path. I'm finding a way out of this, no matter what you say." Finally, he had wanted to say this so bad.

Silence filled the space between them for a moment. Then,

"I did come to apologize, too, but that's not my main goal."

"Oh?" Footsteps. He could feel Ren's presence right behind him. He could feel him move in an unfamiliar way, stopping in a position he couldn't recognize just by the ruffling of his clothes. "I came to tell you that you were right."

Akechi bit the inside of his cheek, slowly turning to face Ren- but there was no face to face. His gaze traveled down slowly until it stopped on the lowly bowing form of the Leader of the Phantom Thieves. "About what?" He asked carefully.

"About everything."

They went silent again. Akechi was- he didn't even...

This boy was too much.

He didn't know what to feel. He didn't understand why the words wouldn't come out of his mouth, told himself it was because he was absorbing the form of Ren bowing to him so he could always keep a clear image of it in his mind.

In the end, he simply said: "Of course I was." Ren slowly straightened again and, hm, it didn't bother Akechi so maybe that hadn't been the right justification after all?

He couldn't help it – the laughter escaped him before he could choke it down. "You... you're really something special, Ren. You never cease to surprise me." He saw exactly how Ren stiffened ever so slightly, probably reminded of times long passed by his words, just as he had intended. He huffed.  
It took a bit for Ren to answer.

"You aren't angry."

It wasn't a question _._

"Hm... not really. I was, of course. But to be honest, being mad at someone who doesn't even realize it is pretty exhausting. You betrayed all my wishes and belief in you and broke our deal." He paused for a moment, studying Ren's face which was still so frustratingly hard to read. "I suppose we can call it even?" At that, Ren's mouth corners turned upwards just the tiniest bit and _finally, some emotion!_

"I guess. Except that you betrayed me by wanting to kill me and I by saving your life." Irritation spiked up inside him, but before he could retort, Ren said: "I'm kidding. I know you'd rather- die."

There was just the slightest stutter in the other's words, which caught Akechi's full attention.

"Would that really be so bad?," he quietly asked the question which had been bothering him this entire time. "Am I..." _Am I that important to you? Me, the guy who betrayed you, who killed you, who only went along with your entire crap for his own gains even when we were actually working together?_

"Yes." He hadn't said the words out loud, but Ren answered without hesitation, and the determination in his eyes made Akechi feel dizzy. His laugh sounded choked even to his ears.

"But- you don't even know me. Every time we met, every time I asked you to hang out, everything I told you – it was all a lie. The entire ace detective thing; all a mask crafted to deceive gullible idiots like you. You think we bonded or something, but we didn't." Ren was quiet for a moment, head tilted in a way which made his eyes disappear behind the reflection of his glasses. Akechi could vaguely see himself in them; the expressionless face, nothing like the pleasant, charming boy who fooled around with Ren, who played cards and pool with him, not even the one who told him he hated him after their fight in Mementos. He was an entirely different person and Ren just didn't seem to get that-

"I believe that you think that. But you're wrong." Akechi grit his teeth. "I'm pretty sure I saw you laugh for real during our bro time in the bath tub."

Ugh. This guy.

Akechi sighed. "Ren, you're absolutely unbearable, you know that?" The other tilted his head.

"Hmm, I thought for sure that was the right response. Considering you'd probably hate any real, right answer I'd usually give, like that I believe the bond we have is real and that it's not just the ace detective persona I like."

"You're right. I don't want to hear that."  
"See?"

Akechi ran a hand over his face and sighed for what felt like the millionth time today. Ren smiled slightly, then his expression turned serious.

"But. I'm still ready to support your decision."

Akechi snorted, bitterness welling up in his chest. "What's with the change of heart?"

Hesitating, Ren raised a hand to play with his bangs. "I... I regret my choice. I really do. Looking at my friends, they're happy, but it's just..."

"Wrong," Akechi finished. He scoffed. "Of course it is. That's what I've been telling you." Ren nodded.

"Yes."

"Anway, it's a bit late for that now, don't you think? Mementos and the real world fused months ago. According to your little blue friend and my own researches, there's nothing we can do anymore." Ren looked at him and there was a challenge in his eyes.

"Are you giving up?"

"Hah. Of course not." He nodded. Then, he stepped closer towards Akechi, leaning in slightly.

"It's a long shot, but I may have a lead. Something to help us."

"Oh?"

"When Maruki put me to sleep, I heard a voice calling to me. It was weak at first, but I... well, I was sleeping a lot." His eyes sparkled. "Lavenza's voice. It reached me."

" _Ca.... y... he?"_

Of course, Akechi realized with a start. Those blue dreams – it had been that weird girl calling out to him.

"And she offered a solution. Well, part of it. Just an idea of an idea, actually." Ren smiled sheepishly. Akechi smirked back.

"Still more than what I got." Despite the smiles on their faces, their eyes were dead serious. "Let's hear it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how much time passed since the beginning of the fic (so Februrary 3rd), but it isn't past June yet, I can tell you that.  
> I didn't want to dive into any deep Shuake relationship analysis here but I love these boys so much and Royal gave me so much material to work with and hrrrmm  
> Also, you guys know those Thieves Den scenes with Akechi and Yusuke where Yusuke is all like "deceiving you took so much effort, it's hard acting for so long" and Akechi just says quote "Well, you stop feeling things once you get used to it", and the one where they (forgot who the conversation partner is) talk about his fake detective personality and he's just like "well it's those idiots' fault for being deceived so easily" and fffff my son this hurts and nO your acting is just too good I'm-
> 
> I don't have the end entirely planned out yet so it could take a while. Take care and stay safe!

**Author's Note:**

> I usually never let characters swear in my FFs but Akechi canonly said goddamn so now he also says fuck
> 
> I love pissed off Akechi. Akechi was always my favorite character and it's so funny to see so many people suddenly come around to join the pancakes after seeing his third semester self which is basically the version of him used in most FFs lol
> 
> Thanks for reading, the next chapter is already halfway finished so that shouldn't take too long. Take care and stay healthy!
> 
> Come scream at me about these boys on tumblr: xxemitsuxx
> 
> PS: Akechi reacts confused to the chess because they never actually played it together in the game, but we see them play it in the credits of the bad end so I made it a part of Maruki's reality which Akechi obviously doesn't remember but Ren thinks he does.


End file.
